YOUR IDEA OF A GOOD UPHILL IS: 21 French hairpins of hot pave called Alpe D'Huez Buff wilderness singletrack going up One you can stay on the aero bars and thump the 53 into submission One with friends still halfway up and you on top One with a chairlift Uphill? Are stairs counted?     YOU KNOW YOU HAVE HAD A GOOD RIDE WHEN: There was a chair near your bike at the coffee shop You scared yourself at least once The run after was near effortless Got lost on a new Trail Cleared the rocky section that’s been giving you grief Still had the bunch strung out in the last 20km     IF YOUR NEW BIKE COULD IMPROVE ONE THING IT WOULD BE:   Hill climbing Big drop survival The two seconds you lost the last race by Your chances with the cute girl / guy on the ride Rubber legs in the run transition Number of trips to the shop for broken parts Survival rate of wilderness expeditions     YOU GET TO A 4-FOOT DROP IN YOUR FAVOURITE RIDE DO YOU:   What only 4 foot? So? Take a run up and attack Look for a way to ride round it Walk it - but wait for the carnage as others attempt Wonder why they are doing road works this big Turn round as you are obviously now lost and best plan is retreat.     IT'S YOUR LAST 20 DOLLARS BEFORE PAY DAY TOMORROW – YOU SPEND IT ON:   Petrol for the car 3 power bars and a GU for the ride kids / other half lunch money Wipperman chain bracelet & gummy bears final payment on Record derailleur your shout at the bar .0001785 of a Warren Buffett share

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